Fictional Dream Cabinet

I was listening to Talk of the Nation on NPR yesterday while I was making a grilled cheese sandwich. They were talking about who they’d like to see in the new President’s Cabinet, regardless of who wins the election.

Coincidentally, on one of my children’s literature groups, there’s been a fun discussion of which fictional character kids would like to see as President.

In this last week of the campaign, I’ve become fascinated and repulsed by politics, wanting to get away from it, but unable to drag myself away. Like when marzipan is the only candy in the house.

So, I thought it would be fun to create a Cabinet with fictional characters.

• President — Atticus Finch because he’s the perfect man.

• Vice President — Guy Noir because in a city that knows how to keep its secrets, he’s still trying to find the answers to life’s persistent questions.

• Secretary of Agriculture — the Farmer in the Dell because not only is he a farmer, but he also knows the dell like nobody’s business.

• Secretary of the Interior — the Lorax because he speaks for the trees for the trees have no tongues and he’s telling you “STOP” from the top of his lungs.

• Secretary of Commerce — Lucy Van Pelt because she knows the value of a nickel.

• Secretary of Justice — Nancy Drew because, well, duh.

• Secretary of Defense — Stephanie Plum’s yummy friend, Ranger. No photo available because he’s so smokin’ hot that he melts the camera. But here’s his jacket.

• Secretary of Labor — Tom Joad because he’ll be ever’where—wherever you look. Wherever they’s a fight so hungry people can eat, he’ll be there. Wherever they’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, he’ll be there… he’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad an’—he’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry and they know supper’s ready. An’ when folk eat the stuff they raise an’ live in the houses they build—why, he’ll be there.

• Secretary of Education — Miss Frisby because she makes book learnin’ fun.

• Secretary of State — Horton the Elephant because he knows everyone’s important, no matter how small.

• Secretary of Energy — Calvin and Hobbes because they have so much of it.

• Secretary of Transportation — Han Solo. Have you seen his sweet ride?!

• Secretary of Health and Human Services — Marcus Welby, MD. Would this man or his dreamy Under Secretary steer you wrong?!

• Secretary of the Treasury — Ebenezer Scrooge because he knows the sins of man are huge — a never-ending symphony of villainy and infamy, duplicity, deceit, and subterfuge.

• Secretary of Homeland Security — Captain Jack Sparrow. He may not be the best pirate in the world, but he can swashbuckle against anyone. And he’s so charming that nobody would complain about taking their shoes off at the airport or only being allowed three ounces of gels and liquids.

• Secretary of Veterans Affairs — Forrest Gump because I bet his mama would come with him. And maybe Jenny too.

• Secretary of Housing and Urban Development — Daddy Warbucks because he had a wicked awesome house AND he lived in the city AND he took in an orphan.

Who would you choose?

0 thoughts on “Fictional Dream Cabinet

  1. Mary

    Atticus Finch is my hero. He can be president any time he wants.

    As for the Secretary of Defense: RANGER OMG YES RANGER PLEASE. Everyone will be so busy fanning themselves, they won’t have TIME to start wars. It’s the perfect strategy.

    I’d pick Gary Hobson for VP, because he can let the president know what’s going to happen tomorrow, today. Just need to make sure there’s a kitty litter box in the VP’s house and that the Sun-Times can be delivered in DC, and he’d be good to go. (And I know nobody but me remembers that show, but ya’ll *should*, ’cause it was awesome.)

  2. beckycc

    Thanks, Emma … I was hoping someone would chime in with a bunch of women candidates because I fear I’ve betrayed my gender with my choices.

    However, maybe I’ve paid them back with Ranger.

    Mary … I don’t know who Gary Hobson is. Or maybe I do, but I still have Ranger Brain and can’t remember.

  3. Mary

    Hmmm, maybe we need a Secretary of Snark, so Miss Elizabeth Bennett could be on the cabinet. 😉

    Gary Hobson’s from the television show Early Edition–he lived in Chicago, got tomorrow’s news today, ran around saving the world? Kyle Chandler’s last steady gig before Friday Night Lights, if that helps.

  4. beckycc

    Oooohhh … Secretary of Snark?! I’d apply for that position as my patriotic duty.

    I vaguely recall Early Edition. Don’t think I ever watched it though. I guess it’s wretched people like me who caused its demise. Sorry, Mary.


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