Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their most amusing similes and metaphors gleaned from high school essays. Iâ€™m not sure if this is really true or simply an urban myth, but here are some of the â€œwinnersâ€ from 2007. But even if some under-employed writer wearing only a tattered robe wrote them in an unheated basement, theyâ€™re still funny.
â€¢ He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
â€¢ She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.
â€¢ She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
â€¢ Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
â€¢ John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
â€¢ Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
â€¢ The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
â€¢ It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
â€¢ He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
Whatâ€™s your most amusing simile or metaphor? Or the one you’re desperate to find a place for in your writing? Or finish this sentence … “BeckyLand is like …”