Scammers Don’t Really Know Me

I got this notice from my daughter’s college. I hope they’ve also posted it to the area of the Oregon Department of Justice website where students visit the most.


I know I was supposed to pay heed to their warning and maybe they even expected me to fly into a tizzy. But you know what I did?

Yep. Laughed.

If I got a call in the middle of the night telling me that I had to send money to my spring-break-addled offspring, here’s how that conversation would go:

Scammer: I’m sorry to inform you your son and/or daughter has been in an accident and/or jailed and needs money right away.

Me: Do you freakin know what TIME it is?!

Scammer: Yes, I’m sorry, but this is of the utmost urgency.

Me: “Utmost”?? Who are you? None of my kids would hang out with anyone who says “utmost.” Especially during spring break.

Scammer: Well, I … uh … I’m a Nigerian prince … oh, sorry, wrong script. It’s extremely urgent you send your son and/or daughter money””

Me: My kid went someplace fun for spring break and I’M the one who has to send money?! I don’t THINK so.

Scammer: But he and/or she was hurt and/or jailed!

Me: Which one?

Scammer: Um … hurt.

Me: He and/or she has insurance.

Scammer: Okay, then, he and/or she was jailed.

Me: He and/or she probably deserved it.

Scammer: Don’t you even care about your son and/or daughter?

Me: Of course I care about him and/or her. But he and/or she has gotta grow up sometime. I ain’t no ATM!

Scammer: whimper, whimper.

Me: Fine, ya big baby. Have them call their Uncle Neal. That’s why he’s on their speed dial.

What’s your favorite scam?

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