I got this notice from my daughter’s college. I hope they’ve also posted it to the area of the Oregon Department of Justice website where students visit the most.
I know I was supposed to pay heed to their warning and maybe they even expected me to fly into a tizzy. But you know what I did?
If I got a call in the middle of the night telling me that I had to send money to my spring-break-addled offspring, here’s how that conversation would go:
Scammer: I’m sorry to inform you your son and/or daughter has been in an accident and/or jailed and needs money right away.
Me: Do you freakin know what TIME it is?!
Scammer: Yes, I’m sorry, but this is of the utmost urgency.
Me: “Utmost”?? Who are you? None of my kids would hang out with anyone who says “utmost.” Especially during spring break.
Scammer: Well, I … uh … I’m a Nigerian prince … oh, sorry, wrong script. It’s extremely urgent you send your son and/or daughter money—
Me: My kid went someplace fun for spring break and I’M the one who has to send money?! I don’t THINK so.
Scammer: But he and/or she was hurt and/or jailed!
Me: Which one?
Scammer: Um … hurt.
Me: He and/or she has insurance.
Scammer: Okay, then, he and/or she was jailed.
Me: He and/or she probably deserved it.
Scammer: Don’t you even care about your son and/or daughter?
Me: Of course I care about him and/or her. But he and/or she has gotta grow up sometime. I ain’t no ATM!
Scammer: whimper, whimper.
Me: Fine, ya big baby. Have them call their Uncle Neal. That’s why he’s on their speed dial.
What’s your favorite scam?