Everything’s Funny

…. even old age!

My mom’s husband turns 80 today ”” a true milestone. So in his honor … and because if we didn’t laugh, we’d cry … enjoy some old age humor. Here’s to 80 more, Trevor!

*****

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your husband?”

“98,” she replied. “Two years older than me.”

“So you’re 96,” the undertaker commented.

She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, eh?”

****

A reporter interviewed a 104-year-old woman. “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?”

“No peer pressure.”

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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

****

I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. I have bouts with dementia and poor circulation – hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. I’ve lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

****

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

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My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

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It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

****

THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Got any old age funnies?

0 thoughts on “Everything’s Funny

  1. Claudia

    When my mom was in her sixties, I had stopped by her condo one day. She said, “I found a new way to dust my house.”
    I asked her what it was, and she demonstrated her answer–she took off her glasses.

    Reply

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