Iâ€™ve become fascinated â€” some say obsessed â€” by the machinations of the blogosphere. My blogosphere, in particular.
My blog statistics and my StatCounter tell me many fascinating things, like which of my blogs are the most popular â€¦ how long people stay in BeckyLand â€¦ what pages they read during a visit â€¦ a running tally of my posts, comments and pings â€¦ and the countries my readers hail from.
People trek into BeckyLand from all the cool states and every corner of the world. Israel, Indonesia, Switzerland, Germany, Portugal, Canada, Australia. Some make sense, like Venice after I interviewed Cat Bauer who lives there. Or Sweden after I mentioned ABBA. Or Malaysia after I posted about a high school band there. Or England, since the Queen is a huge fan.
But when I saw I had visitors (plural!) from Kazakhstan, I had to do a bit of research before it made sense. An exhaustive search of Wikipedia reveals that livestock is one of Kazakhstanâ€™s most important agricultural commodities. I recently waxed poetic about cows. Mystery solved.
My favorite blog stat, however, is the section that tells me the search terms people use to stumble into BeckyLand.
Oddly enough, every single day people, possibly muppets, search â€œCookie Monsterâ€ and end up in BeckyLand. I tracked it for five days and discovered 36 of them looked for Cookie Monster and found me. But thatâ€™s not all. In one day folks searched from the general â€œCookie Monster picsâ€ (2), to the very specific â€œCookie Monster eats a donutâ€ (2), â€œC is for cookieâ€ (1), and â€œCookie Monster #â€ (3), which seems like some kind of code. Unless itâ€™s Elmo trying to program his cell phone.
Weirdly, when I googled these phrases, I never found my blog. Lesson learned? Cookie Monster fans are persistent.
These are some of my favorite search terms people used recently to gain entry into BeckyLand. Some make perfect sense as they directly relate to topics Iâ€™ve written about like â€œmost beautiful numbers synesthesiaâ€ â€¦ â€œI love a tuba playerâ€ â€¦ â€œsynesthesia in tasteâ€ â€¦ â€œlooks like Letterman.â€
But these? â€œJacuzziâ€ â€¦ â€œtwasâ€ â€¦ â€œwhat makes a person prissyâ€?! I twasnâ€™t in a Jacuzzi, nor am I very prissy.
Iâ€™m equally baffled by this one â€” â€œlike fathers chasing kids around with po.â€Â Pork? Poles? Polyester? Pogo sticks? Porcupines? Pollen? Podiums? Potatoes? Poinsettias? Potable water? Politicians? Popcorn? Polar bears? Poetry? Postage stamps? Pocahontas? Poison? Polliwogs? Pocketknives? Pomeranians? Polaroids? Potassium nitrate? It boggles the mind.
Disturbingly, a lot of people find me using phrases involving â€œtapeworm.â€ At least once a week, sometimes more. Five times just this week. â€œHuman tapewormâ€ (2) â€¦ â€œtapeworm segments in humanâ€ (2) â€¦ and â€œtapeworm segments in stoolâ€ (1).Â I donâ€™t take it personally, but Iâ€™m becoming a bit concerned about the health care in this country.
But Iâ€™m clearly the go-to blog for writers struggling for just the right turn of phrase, which more than makes up for it. In the past week I got these â€” â€œmetaphors for being in the marching bandâ€ â€¦ â€œfunny similes about loveâ€ â€¦ â€œurban similesâ€ â€¦ â€œsimiles someoneâ€™s first day of high schoolâ€ â€¦ â€œbad similes by teens and grossâ€ â€¦ â€œe coli Canadian similesâ€ â€¦ â€œa simile sentence for someone showing hat.â€
Hmm. Hope I was helpful.
Got a simile sentence for someone showing hat? How bout a bad simile by teens and gross? Or any e coli Canadian similes?