Why God Invented Blenders

My niece alerted me to this important health bulletin, so thanks, Suzanne. As a direct result of these tips, I’m feeling much better now. Everyone, please pass this valuable medical research on to every woman you know.

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?

Do you suffer from shyness?

Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Margaritas.

Margaritas are the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions.

Margaritas can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world you’re ready and willing to do just about anything.

You will notice the benefits of Margaritas almost immediately and with a regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.

Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with Margaritas.

Margaritas may not be right for everyone.  Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Margaritas.  However, women who wouldn’t mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.

Side effects may include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration
Erotic lustfulness
Loss of motor control
Loss of clothing
Loss of money
Loss of virginity
Table dancing
Headache
Dehydration
Dry mouth
And a desire to sing Karaoke

WARNINGS:
The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

The consumption of Margaritas may cause you to think you can sing.

The consumption of Margaritas may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Here’s to better health.

Do you have a condition Margaritas can help with? Like ending sentences with prepositions?

0 thoughts on “Why God Invented Blenders

  1. Lisa

    ooooooooo I LOVE margaritas! I’m so happy to be informed that it is medically indicated condition! unusual craving for salt & lime! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Mary F.

    Condition? Procrastination. Margarita’s are desperately needed to help keep the condition happily continuing!

    Reply
  3. Bethany

    Wow, and the side effects aren’t any worse than any of the ‘other’ drugs advertised on TV. And, if you add fruit, I like raspberry, myself, do you also get your daily allowance of fruit?!

    Reply
    1. beckycc

      Lisa … as a nurse, surely you’ve seen this research before. In fact, didn’t you take part in the extensive trials?

      Mary … you’re absolutely right. Margaritas are medically indicated to prolong the procrastination, but if YOUR procrastination lasts longer than four days, see a doctor.

      Bethany … not only does it give you your daily allowance of fruit (assuming you consume the correct quantities), it also covers your daily need for potassium, tequila and giggling. Protein too, if the worm makes it through.

      Reply

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