Signing Ceremonies

Tis the season of photo ops of student athletes signing their letters of intent to play sports in college.

Let me begin by saying that I am a mom who “woohoos” her kids for any and all reasons. If I were a belly dancer, I’d probably “jai ho” them.

Band competition? WOOHOO!

College financial aid? WOOHOO!

You’re a sailor? WOOHOO

Did your laundry without being asked? WOOHOO!

So I don’t have a problem with signing ceremonies of any kind. In fact, I wish there were more.

Because, really, how are these unacknowledged kids supposed to cope? They’ve spent 12 years in school being told “everyone’s a winner ”” everyone gets a participation ribbon ”” nobody is better than anyone else” and then this?! Some kids ARE better?? Just because they can kick or throw or dive or spike or run better? What’s up with that?!

Because we’re nothing if not egalitarian, the social scientists here in BeckyLand wish to give a shout-out to all the downtrodden kids who never got their photo in the paper. Mind you, Downtrodden, you still won’t get your photo in the paper, but at least we want to acknowledge the fact you’ve never had your photo in the paper.

So, here’s to all the kids who …
• have excellent penmanship
• never once got stuffed inside a locker
• kept wearing that shirt despite all the ridicule
• didn’t succumb to all the lectures about personal hygiene
• only had to see the Dean that one time. And it was totally bogus, dude.
• never got caught ”˜purpling’ on a band trip
• knew enough not to play with the spilled mercury in the chemistry lab
• survived 12 years of cafeteria lunches
• refrained from keying teachers’ cars
• cheered the loudest at the games
• had a small number of really loyal friends
• picked up trash even when it wasn’t yours
• volunteered to mentor squirrely 9th graders who didn’t realize they needed mentoring

But this shout-out is especially for the ones who got up every day without complaint, attending class with a smile and without attitude, knowing none of their efforts would ever really be acknowledged appropriately by anyone other than their mothers.

BeckyLand salutes you.

But seriously. Why no signing ceremonies for the brainiacs who are going to employ all these athletes in the future? Where’s THEIR spread in the newspaper??

4 thoughts on “Signing Ceremonies”

    1. Just checking to see if anyone is really reading. I first heard about ‘purpling’ when I chaperoned a bunch of teenagers to church camp. (Yeah, I know. Me. A chaperone at church camp. Clearly, they were desperate.)

      It’s simple, really. Boys rooms are blue. Girls rooms are pink. No purpling.

    1. Very different, indeed. And for your benefit, George, nurpling is when you sneak into a nurse’s room on a band trip. I think. I could be wrong.

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