Listen To Your Body Even When It Says Stupid Stuff

I was reading “Your Body’s 10 Weirdest Health Clues” in Prevention Magazine with trepidation because my not-twenty-nine-anymore body seems to make up new and creative ways to torment me on a daily basis. Most of them falling under the “Weird” category.

As it turned out, I had every reason to be nervous. The very first clue applied to me.

Finger length
Women whose index fingers are shorter than their ring fingers may be twice as prone to osteoarthritis in the knees, found British researchers. Those with this predominately male characteristic tend to have lower levels of estrogen, which may also play a role in the development of osteoarthritis, say researchers.

On the bright side, I’m less of a woman, but I’ll have the knees of someone twice my age.

Earlobe crease
Linear wrinkles in one or both lobes may predict future cardiovascular events (heart attack, bypass surgery, or cardiac death.) A crease on one lobe raises the risk by 33%; a crease on both lobes increases it by 77%, even after adjusting for other known risk factors. Though experts aren’t exactly sure, they suspect a loss of elastic fibers may cause both the crease and the hardening of arteries.

I think maybe they’re off base here. Isn’t it possible that simply the idea of someone studying wrinkly earlobes enough to give one a heart attack?

Bra size
A D cup may also spell diabetes: Women who wore a bra size D or larger at age 20 were 1.5 times more likely to develop type 2 than those who wore an A or smaller, even after researchers adjusted for obesity, diet, smoking, and family history, in a 10-year study published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal. It may be that the fat tissue in a woman’s breast is hormonally sensitive and influences insulin resistance, which can lead to diabetes, say researchers.

I’m not sure about this one because I quit reading after “an A or smaller.” As someone who hails from Tiny Bra Town (aw, who am I kidding? I’m the Mayor and half the Town Council!), I was flabbergasted to know there is a bra size smaller than A. Why the heck aren’t they studying THAT??

Calf size
Though it sounds counterintuitive, a French study found that women with small calves (13 inches or less around) tended to develop more carotid plaques, a known risk factor for stroke. The subcutaneous fat in larger calves may pull fatty acids from the bloodstream and store them where they are less of a risk factor, say researchers.

I’ll give them this one. I’ll gladly take one measly stroke over a lifetime of cankle jokes.

And I have a couple more of my own to add that the researchers didn’t address. If BeckyLand were ever to give research grants, these vexations would be highest on the list.

• How does my one occasional chin hair relate to my inability to play the piano? Or does my inability to play the piano somehow summon the chin hair?

• Do rough elbows impede my marathon times?

• Will the lack of pigment in my shins create halitosis?

• Do I need glasses because of my deep-seated fear of snakes?

• Does my seemingly constant need for food and water mean I am destined for a lifetime of indecision and heartbreak?

I really must know.

What are some things you want the researchers to work on?

0 thoughts on “Listen To Your Body Even When It Says Stupid Stuff

  1. Victoria Hanley

    Hey Becky,
    I think those researchers should begin a group called “Silly Researchers Anonymous.” They could stand up at meetings and say, “Hi, I’m Dr. Blank, and I do silly research correlating totally unrelated things and giving those correlations scientific credibility, bwahahaha.”


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