How White Are You?

I came across a website dedicated to Stuff White People Like and was intrigued, as I am by all things that have the potential to waste my time and keep me from exercising.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I am not white. I daresay I look the part, but these facts are indisputable.

Out of 127 criteria, I met only 30. I believe that makes me a paltry 24% white.

It could be a simple misunderstanding. Some of the things on the list I might like if I knew what they were, like (#124) Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy. Who is Ed Hardy and why would anyone wear him. Is it really hate-worthy?

And (#87) Outdoor Performance Clothes? What, like sneakers? Or a cape? I’m not at all sure.

(#69 and #68) Mos Def and Michel Gondry. Are these medical conditions? If so, then I’m sure I don’t like them.

Then there’s (#4) Assists. Now, I’m all in favor of basketball assists, but I loathe the crossword assist. One is acceptable, the other is not.

Or it could simply be an issue of degree. For instance, I probably would like (#121) Funny or Ironic Tattoos, but not enough to actually get one on my hip. In the same way I’d probably be a big fan of (#120) Taking a Year Off, (#78) Multilingual Children, (#63) Expensive Sandwiches, (#55) Apologies, and (#16) Gifted Children, but none of them seem to be in my future.

And what about these? Nobody likes (#117) Political Prisoners, (#118) Ugly Sweater Parties, (#107) Self Aware Hip Hop References, (#83) Bad Memories of High School, (#28) Not Having a TV, or (#104) Girls with Bangs.

Nobody.

Here’s the complete list.

How white are you?

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