Forbes magazine recently listed the Richest Fictional Characters.
1. Daddy Warbucks
2. C. Montgomery Burns
3. Scrooge McDuck
4. Richie Rich
5. Jed Clampett
6. Mr. Monopoly
7. Bruce Wayne
8. Anthony Stark
9. Prince Abakaliki of Nigeria
10. Thurston Howell III
The recession clearly hasn’t been good to Uncle Sam, Gordon Gekko or Ebenezer Scrooge who were numbers 1, 4 and 6, respectively, last year.
But it made me wonder about my other fictional friends. So I made some lists.
The Most Fabulous Fictional Houses
1. Xanadu — You can roller skate in every room with Olivia Newton-John
2. Burns Manor — Release the hounds!
3. Wayne Manor — cozy throw pillows everywhere
4. Toad Hall — secret passages make it remarkably easy to escape from
5. Corleone Compound — Never-ending pots of spaghetti and horse heads
6. Jay Gatsby’s Mansion — Constant parties and a lovely green light at the end of the dock
7. Beverly Hillbillies Mansion — it has a cement pond!!
8. Tara Plantation — As God is my witness, I’d like to live there
9. Barbie’s Dream House — Pink!
10.The Ponderosa — Little Joe AND Candy lived there. Hummina, hummina.
Best Fictional Songbirds
1. The Little Mermaid — even though she’d rather have legs
2. The Singing Detective — even though he’d rather not have psoriatic arthropathy.
3. Gene Autry, the Singing Cowboy — but he might have been real
4. Buckaroo Banzai — plus, he’s a neurosurgeon-superhero-samurai-scientist who can drive through solid matter
5. Homer Simpson — at least when his operation went sideways and he became an opera star
6. Opera Stars — again, I’ve been told they might be real but I can’t believe it
7. The Sharks AND the Jets — tied because I didn’t want them to rumble over their ranking
9. The Caged Bird — but I don’t know why
10. Bilbo Baggins — you might not know it because he was so short the sound never carried far
Smokiest Fictional Characters
1. Marlboro Man — way cooler than that loser Joe Camel
2. Bridget Jones — but she knew she shouldn’t
3. Beezus and Ramona’s dad — thank goodness a second-grader was available to help him quit!
4. David Sedaris — He’s what now?
5. Miss Pettigrew — it helped her live for a day, but then, ironically, shortened her life
6 and 7. Nick and Nora Charles — that’s why they were so freakin glamorous!
8. Fred Sanford — but his glam quotient was non-existent. Weird.
9. Every soldier in every war movie
10. Don Draper — My-oh-my. Could it be the never-ending cigarettes that make his butt look so smokin’ hot?
Any others to add?