Movie Reviews I Wish I Wrote

The two blurbs below are copied in their entirety from the fabulously entertaining Southern Review of Books, edited by Noel Griese. If you’re not a subscriber you absolutely should be.

Mr. Griese is the author of 17 books and numerous articles on various subjects, he’s been a newspaper reporter and editor and has taught English and journalism at the Universities of Wisconsin and Georgia. Elected to both Phi Beta Kappa and Phi Kappa Phi, he holds three degrees in English and journalism.

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5. Books to Movies Department

“New Moon,” the second movie based on Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series about teenage vampires, has been panned by critics, but like the book on which the movie is based, is a big hit at the box office. Early numbers put the film’s opening night gross at more than $72 million, which translates to just under $20,000 for every theater that was showing the movie. Despite early reviews that said the film was drawn out and slow paced, advance tickets were bought up as quickly as they became available. But even the critics that were willing to give the movie a chance were disappointed by it. Rotten Tomatoes gave it 4.9 out of 10 and one review summed up the entire film in just a couple of sentences: “If you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you don’t, and continue to mock the twihard fans… The movie is about Bella being depressed, and two monsters saying how bad they want her but can’t have her. The film drags on, and on… basically no action. If you’ve seen the previews, and behind the scenes, you’ve already seen the best parts!”

6. Glenn Beck’s book to movie bombs in Big Apple – and Boston and DC

Glenn Beck’s new movie The Christmas Sweater – A Return To Redemption, released for a viewing on Dec. 3 in hundreds (167, actually) of theaters across the country, met with less than spectacular ticket sales, according to an article by Sahil Kapur in the “Raw Story” blog.

While it performed better in the south and in rural, more conservative areas, his ability to draw viewers in major U.S. markets was a failure.

The inspiration for the film is Beck’s 2008 memoir, from which he reads in the film, when he talks about how the book has inspired some formerly troubled souls who say it touched and changed their lives forever.

The movie runs two hours and 15 minutes.

In New York, Beck sold 17 tickets. In Boston, another 17. And in Washington, D.C., his tearful film drew only 30 admissions.

Beck, who reportedly pulls in around $18 million a year from live events and his TV, radio, and book deals, is charging attendees $20 a ticket. One wonders if, at that price, the “little guy,” who Beck often claims to stand up for, can afford tickets.

The movie fared better in rural, conservative areas. Rockwall, Texas, had 94 ticket-buyers out of 193 seats. In the suburban West Jordan, Utah, 170 tickets were sold.

In the film, the Fox News host shares his childhood memories, along with his philosophies on life, love and happiness. Some highlights:

–        In the guise of a 12-year-old version of himself, Beck cries on the stage floor in the fetal position while a large black woman sings hymns to him.

–        The bulk of the evening consists of Beck acting out every role in his book, with a limited repertoire of accents and pantomime filling out the ‘cast’.

–        Near the end, Beck talks to the wrong camera for a solid minute.

–        Spittle, sweat, and tears ooze out of him constantly

Did you know Glenn Beck had a movie? Or a book? Or cried a lot?

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