Abolish 12th Grade

Republican State Senator Chris Buttars has proposed removing 12th grade from Utah high schools because “sometimes the 12th grade is spent fooling around,” and it would save the state $102 million.

I think this is an excellent idea. It shows depth of intellect and imagination as well as a clear, cogent worldview. Ideas like this are what make a nation great. Well, that and camouflage Snuggies for the troops.

While they’re at it there in Utah, they should consider abolishing the internet, if they’re really concerned about goofing off and saving money. Utah would be even more fabulous without that stupid YouTube and online shopping for caffeinated beverages.

They should also prohibit alcohol sales and consumption. That’s an idea whose time has come.

My son thinks it only makes sense for Utah to get rid of all paper. There are waaay too many dangerous paper cuts happening to the gentle folk in Utah. Heck … across these entire United States! Where are MY state senators? Why don’t they care about me and my fingers??

Maybe Utah should be abolished. After all, I’ve heard people often travel there to see canyons and spires and other natural geologic places for extreme goofing off. Think how much quicker and cheaper it would be for Coloradans to get to Nevada. Plus, it would save Utah gobs of money without having to transport or house or feed all those tourists.

My son also asked, “What about Friday and Saturday nights, Mom? They are horrifically dangerous and unproductive and should be eliminated.”

He’s absolutely right. The list goes on and on … Sunday football, movies, slumber parties, bowling, bubble baths, after-school sports. (Have you SEEN those people? They just sit there in the stands, occasionally waking from their stupor to yell inanities like “Good job!” or “Look out for the lineb””ohhhh!”)

Just think … if we skipped straight from Thursday to Monday every week and eliminated the time kids goof off, we could have them grown up and ready to become Senators before the Metamucil hits Grandpa.

I mean, if it’s gonna hit the fan anyway.

What else should be abolished?

0 thoughts on “Abolish 12th Grade

  1. Jerry D. Harris

    Seems like we should be abolishing Republican legislators in Utah…! Or, at least, abolish anyone that is unencumbered by the thought process.


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