I got these funny observations about life (lifeservations?) from a friend. It’s one of those viral emails that makes its way around the world in about eight seconds. Even if you’ve seen it, though, it’s worth another giggle.
I wish I knew who writes these things — some of them are hilarious. Like this one. It was long, though, so you get one every day this week —Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday AND Friday. [I know you know the days of the week. That’s to remind me to link them all.]
45. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
46. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
47. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
48. It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
49. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
50. Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
51. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
52. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
53. It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
56. I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
54. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
55. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
56. The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
Got a favorite? Did you enjoy this week of lazy blogging? I know I did!