Raise your hand if you think proofreading is a dying art.
Actual headlines …
• Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter … that is one talented murderer
• Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says … Good thing they called in an expert.
• Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers … that’ll stop ’em
• Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over … very noble of him
• Miners Refuse to Work after Death … rest in peace
• Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant … well, if Scared Straight doesn’t work, then they are just about out of options
• War Dims Hope for Peace … such Negative Nellies
• If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile … yes, I think that might be correct
• Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures … those crazy global warming nutjobs are at it again
• Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide … or was it Colonel Mustard?
• Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges … must be some kind of Super Duct Tape – and it comes in designer colors. Sweet!
• New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group … weren’t they fat enough?
• Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft … if he dealt it, then he should!
• Kids Make Nutritious Snacks … do they taste like chicken?
• Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half … they are strict there!
• Hospitals are sued by 7 Foot Doctors … because the ceilings were too low?
• Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead … Wait. What?
Got any more good ones?