Tag Archives: blogging humor

Blog Spam … It’s Not Just For Sandwiches

I’ve written before about the funny ways people stumble into BeckyLand. Most of them seem to want to be here. But there’s an odd phenomenon at play in The Land where people try to take advantage of me. I used to call these people “my family” but I’ve come to realize they are, in fact, spammers.

I know they’re not my family because they speak softly and flatter me, trying to get me to buy their porn or Canadian pharmaceuticals via my ego. It’s normally a good strategy, but they, unlike my family, don’t know how very lazy I am. It’s like a religion with me. “Click there? I don’t think so. I am fatigued from typing winking emoticons on facebook status updates.”

Here are some examples of the spam I get in BeckyLand. Not all of it employs the let’s-dazzle-her-with-flattery scheme. But it’s all worthy of attention. At least momentarily.

• “I found lots of interesting information on beckyland.wordpress.com. The post was professionally written and I feel like the author has extensive knowledge in the subject. beckyland.wordpress.com keep it that way.” Oh, wait. How’d this get in here? This can’t be spam. It’s perfectly reasoned and articulate. Clearly from a highly intelligent being.

• “Hi, interesting post. I have been thinking about this issue, so thanks for writing. I will certainly be subscribing to your posts.” Really? They’ve been thinking about awesome places to piddle around the world? Really? In their defense, it was an extremely entertaining blog and of course they’ll be thinking about it forever, but really … before I posted it?

• “eh… luv it ))” I’m sorry, but this seems kinda lukewarm to me.

• “[…] Read the original: How People Stumble into BeckyLand […]” Let’s see… how do I explain this? Oh, yeah. This WAS posted on the original, ya freak! Trying to trick me into reading my own blog?? I won’t fall for that again.

• “Hi everybody. I’ve been lurking around the forum for a while but I have a question to ask. I’m trying to find a legit seller for r4 cards for my nintendo. I’m in Germany and I found one site that looks promising.” Nice try, Hans, but you can’t fool me. How can you be in Germany but writing in English? Everyone knows that’s not possible. Plus, I never mailed my blog to Germany.

• “1mDeK3 trowreddizfq, [url=https://gqsulqsinvxk.com/]gqsulqsinvxk[/url], [link=https://doxafvttoxae.com/]doxafvttoxae[/link], https://jircjscttyxv.com/” Sorry. This one is from my family. Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? Left pinky goes on the “A.”

• “seattle festival scared ipl semi garden parkway night the 2 their identity…people who blithely trusted those who traded in human beings. battle against the machines. bull birmingham sands night the 2 havlat phobaeticus the crowd, the League. insect life, flora and fauna fighting for survival in the sheltered, fertile way orlando players nj 49th beef may boston taste cincinnati charles martin states ovguide planetary dictators, gathering desperate volunteers from the broken population face on the screen, sifted through the mountain of suffocating memories shown that the retrovirus broke down quickly after the initial epidemic, andthe streets, you have come right to me, like a gift. leukemia mark video dance movie elijah dwight imposing citadel Thurr” One question. What are you selling? Because I’m pretty sure I want to buy it.

Do you get funny spam?

How People Stumble into BeckyLand

I’ve become fascinated ”” some say obsessed ”” by the machinations of the blogosphere. My blogosphere, in particular.

My blog statistics and my StatCounter tell me many fascinating things, like which of my blogs are the most popular … how long people stay in BeckyLand … what pages they read during a visit … a running tally of my posts, comments and pings … and the countries my readers hail from.

People trek into BeckyLand from all the cool states and every corner of the world. Israel, Indonesia, Switzerland, Germany, Portugal, Canada, Australia. Some make sense, like Venice after I interviewed Cat Bauer who lives there. Or Sweden after I mentioned ABBA. Or Malaysia after I posted about a high school band there. Or England, since the Queen is a huge fan.

But when I saw I had visitors (plural!) from Kazakhstan, I had to do a bit of research before it made sense. An exhaustive search of Wikipedia reveals that livestock is one of Kazakhstan’s most important agricultural commodities. I recently waxed poetic about cows. Mystery solved.

My favorite blog stat, however, is the section that tells me the search terms people use to stumble into BeckyLand.

Oddly enough, every single day people, possibly muppets, search “Cookie Monster” and end up in BeckyLand. I tracked it for five days and discovered 36 of them looked for Cookie Monster and found me. But that’s not all. In one day folks searched from the general “Cookie Monster pics” (2), to the very specific “Cookie Monster eats a donut” (2), “C is for cookie” (1), and “Cookie Monster #” (3), which seems like some kind of code. Unless it’s Elmo trying to program his cell phone.

Weirdly, when I googled these phrases, I never found my blog. Lesson learned? Cookie Monster fans are persistent.

These are some of my favorite search terms people used recently to gain entry into BeckyLand. Some make perfect sense as they directly relate to topics I’ve written about like “most beautiful numbers synesthesia” … “I love a tuba player” … “synesthesia in taste” … “looks like Letterman.”

But these? “Jacuzzi” … “twas” … “what makes a person prissy”?! I twasn’t in a Jacuzzi, nor am I very prissy.

I’m equally baffled by this one ”” “like fathers chasing kids around with po.”  Pork? Poles? Polyester? Pogo sticks? Porcupines? Pollen? Podiums? Potatoes? Poinsettias? Potable water? Politicians? Popcorn? Polar bears? Poetry? Postage stamps? Pocahontas? Poison? Polliwogs? Pocketknives? Pomeranians? Polaroids? Potassium nitrate? It boggles the mind.

Disturbingly, a lot of people find me using phrases involving “tapeworm.” At least once a week, sometimes more. Five times just this week. “Human tapeworm” (2) … “tapeworm segments in human” (2) … and “tapeworm segments in stool” (1).  I don’t take it personally, but I’m becoming a bit concerned about the health care in this country.

But I’m clearly the go-to blog for writers struggling for just the right turn of phrase, which more than makes up for it. In the past week I got these ”” “metaphors for being in the marching band” … “funny similes about love” … “urban similes” … “similes someone’s first day of high school” … “bad similes by teens and gross” … “e coli Canadian similes” … “a simile sentence for someone showing hat.”

Hmm. Hope I was helpful.

Got a simile sentence for someone showing hat? How bout a bad simile by teens and gross? Or any e coli Canadian similes?