Tag Archives: boot camp humor

Yet MORE Boot Camp Lines

I hope you’re enjoying these. I know I do. But after yesterday and the day before AND the day before that, alas, I’ve run out.

Enjoy one last batch ….

“Get yer @#!$%^ knees off the deck, this ain’t the @#$%^& Air Force!”

“This place is one giant OCD prison.”

“The days feel extremely long because they are.”

My boyfriend wrote…”I got to call cadence today in formation, it was AWESOME!!” Then in his next letter he wrote, “I’ve been made Master At Arms. I guess the chief didn’t like my singing cadences.”

“No more hour long poops. They call it Pump and Dump!”

“I’ve decided that the RDCs are trying to impose Stockholm Syndrome…….and it’s working!”

“I’m on Color Guard and it’s very important to NOT drop the flag. That ranks right up there with do NOT drop the soap!”

“I’ve learned that the recruiters are the salesmen and lawyers of the Navy.”

“Whenever an inspection takes place, not doing something is called an FFI. We hear it a lot. Well, while cleaning the head in the chapel, I overheard someone talking about when God told Abraham to kill his son, Isaac, and he didn’t do it. All I could think of was, “That’s an FFI!” It stands for Failure to Follow Instruction.”

“Mom, these people here have no souls.”

“And there is a guy who catches all the heat I should. He is my size and when we are both bald and wearing BC’s we look -IDENTICAL!! He is ugly as sin so that kinda bums me out!”
“My bunkmate is 30 , 6’5″ with banana fingers, from West Africa, and me a 5’8″ kid from a cornfield. Two days ago during an inspection I had a string on my collar and he kept pulling it because he knew I’d get yelled at. But his f…ing banana fingers were too big so he bit it off real quick. As you can imagine, I nearly pissed myself.”

“Hey mom, this is your new son…. but don’t worry, I don’t love you any different.”

“Chief is f$#*&$# hardcore and very fluent in profanity.”

“I love you more than I love shining my f*ing boots 🙂 ”

“Oh, funny. A bunch of guys just started singing I’m a Little Teapot.”

“As I write this, I’m wearing a work shirt nearly identical to my Office Depot shirt, sitting on ugly linoleum under harsh fluorescent lights feeling resentful toward my bosses. It’s like I never left home. Except at night I go home to 83 smelly guys and none of you.”

“I am making some friends, but they kind of decide who your friends are for you. I’m mainly friends with my bunkmates and the people I stand next to in our height line.”

“And then there’s [name deleted]. He was dumb as a brick. He says his recruiter told him that after boot camp he’d be permanently stationed in his hometown and as soon as he got here and discovered that wasn’t the case, he wanted out. He faked having asthma, tried to buy pot off of Chief, swore at the Petty Officers, and so on. But I actually miss him. It was like having a soap opera, always something new and interesting.”

“By the way, they are allowed to swear at individual people. I’ve been called f***face, a f-ing rock, and a f-ing dodohead. As I write, they’re drawing our division flag ”” an anchor with an eagle carrying a dodo skull, symbolizing our shedding of being dodohead recruits. It’s totally boss.”

“YAY! Mail call, then bed! Two of my three favorite things!”

“PS – why do they stuff the pepper if they know they’re going to make it soup? Wouldn’t it be easier to put the stuffing straight in the soup?”

Which was your favorite?

Even MORE Boot Camp Funnies

Because I know how much you loved them yesterday AND the day before ….

“Mom, I can sh–, shower & shave in 2 minutes or less!”

“They say it gets easier after week 3. It don’t.”

“Mom, sorry I forgot our address when we were sending our clothes back. I could only remember grandpas.” [ok… You’ve lived with your parents for how many years? Hellooo!]

“By the time this letter arrives you will already know what I wrote.”

“My birthday went alright. My RDCs didn’t find out.”

“P.S. You might get sick from reading this letter… I coughed on it.”

“The RDCs already know my name. I don’t think that’s good.”

“I’m head of the bathroom crew, so I clean up after 83 guys with the help of 8 others, so I kinda get it now.” [This after how many years of asking him to aim straight.]

“So the other day there was a group of us in the Head all squatting. We started singing ‘Bye, Bye Miss American Pie.’ When one of the RDCs showed up and told us to shut up. I bet he left laughing his a– off. Imagine walking into a bathroom full of grown men singing as they s—. Funny.”

My daughter sent us her top ten list (more like 50) of what she’d never forget was said at boot camp. Here are a few that can be repeated:
“You will stand at attention, and you will like it.”
“Good morning/afternoon/evening Chief/Petty Officer/Sir.” x 80
“Arm circles. Begin.”
“It’s not supposed to feel good.”
Petty Officers arguing about which way was faster to march around a perfect square from one corner to the opposite.
“Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?” (interchange stupid with dumb, idiot, moron, and of course breakfast with whatever meal had most recently passed)

“I think this place is basically Fat Camp, with a lot of swearing.”

I was always dragging my son back into a room he had supposedly already “cleaned” and telling him, “Look at this dirt! Can’t you SEE this?” My favorite line from his bootcamp letters was, “Everything here has to be perfectly clean. Mom, I finally got dirt vision.”

“I’m not even sure I know what MY first name is anymore!”

“I hope you got my first letter, I can’t remember when I sent it or what it said.”

“I have picked up dustbunnies, ironed underwear and spit on boots for hours.”

“Boot camp is a lot like jail. But in jail they let you have TV.”

“I’ve been stripped of my gender.”

“Seriously, the smell that comes from each of us is more foul than any man I’ve ever smelled, since we sweat a lot and we can’t wash our sweats yet.”

“The food is pretty good here and the staff in the chow hall is very friendly, although I have to admit there were a couple of times I had to pretend I was on Fear Factor and wolf something disgusting down as quickly as possible, because food is food now. Taste is often a bonus.”

“Mom, Please ask everyone to send me some mail. There are some guys here who get up to 5 and 6 things a day. Now, I know you can do better than that.”

After asking my son just what his job as port watch entailed, he gave a short description and added, …”and it’s stupid and boring, and it’s my job to make sure 44 people do it right.”

“I’ve decided it would take too much paper work and cost too much money to kill us, so we will survive.”

Which was your favorite?

More Funny Boot Camp Lines

Hmm … they’re not “more funny” than the ones I posted yesterday ”” they’re equally funny ”” but there are additional … oh, never mind. They might actually be more funny than previous ones, but we’ll never know until you read them, eh?

Enjoy!

My boyfriend wrote me about a division chaplain position he was hoping to get. These were his words: “I might get the chaplain job, we’re having a push-up contest.” Is that how they pick the division chaplain???

“Say hi to the dogs. I haven’t gotten a letter from them yet.”

“I got to have garbage duty. It was great because I got to go outside for 5 minutes all by myself. Good thing you guys trained me for this growing up.” I love how he said “got” not “had to”. I knew right then that my teenage son was now a man!

“Most the guys are sick. Their eyes are red and they are moving really slow. I feel like I’m in a bad zombie movie.”

“We had to put on all of our uniforms and get inspected after each one. It’s like a horrifying fashion show.”

“With all these buttons, you don’t want to wait until you gotta pee really bad.”

Keep the letters coming, I like to read them when I am pooping in the middle of the night while everyone else is sleeping.

After PIR [graduation], when we saw his RDC, not a large man, and quite a bit smaller than most of his recruits, and we asked how intimidating he was, our sailor replied, “Mom, when his nose is touching your nose, and he is screaming at you, and you can feel his spit on your face, he IS intimidating!”

“86 men, 30 minutes to shower in a room approximately 15 x 45 with 12 shower heads. You do the math.”

“I’m a great ironer, I get compliments on my creases.”

“We only know each other’s last names, no first names.” (This cracked me up, because growing up, he never knew anyone’s last name – talk about coming full circle!)

“FYI cursing is good because it gets our point across really fast, and speed is very important.”

“Oh, we got 3 more shots again yesterday and since I passed out the first time, I had to wear this big red sign around my neck that said “Fall Risk”!! I felt like such a dork!”

When my son was stuck on ship during Christmas, we were talking on the phone. All of a sudden he says, “Oh cool, my present is here. Merry Christmas to me!” When I asked him what he was talking about he said, “A whole busload of new recruits just pulled up, this is gonna be so much fun!”

“So tonight, my shipmates all passed around pictures of ”˜when we were pretty!’ No one could recognize me!”

“I’m already on their radar (and that’s not a good thing) because I’m the short one.”

“Guess what, Mom, it seems that I don’t have a bumpy head now that I’m bald.”

“Oh yeah, and we have to wear “tighty whities.” And they suck!”

“I could get some sleep if all the married men would quit crying.”

“Don’t ever let any of your children join the military ever again.”

“I’m having fun, I guess.”

“I go to chapel every Sunday. It’s like heaven in there. It’s the only place the RDC’s aren’t allowed to go!”

My son wrote his sister that “it’s like a home ec class from hell.”

When questioned about activities during bootcamp the correct response is always, “I have no excuse, Petty Officer.”

“This had better get better soon!”

“I look ridiculous bald, so I try not to look in the mirror.”

“There is a zero fun policy or something.”

“I’ve met a lot of interesting people here. That’s all I’m going to say about that.”

“WOW! Excitement just ensued! We had a fire drill just now, only I don’t know if it was a drill because there were no RDCs and fire trucks came and I think it’s kind of smoky, but I can’t really see.” Then he goes on about his letter, and then, “UPDATE: the fire alarm was set off in our compartment and I think I set it off. My bunkmate kept harassing me, saying my feet smelled so I sprayed foot spray and I guess the powder set it off.”

Which was your favorite?