Tag Archives: boot camp

Yet MORE Boot Camp Lines

I hope you’re enjoying these. I know I do. But after yesterday and the day before AND the day before that, alas, I’ve run out.

Enjoy one last batch ….

“Get yer @#!$%^ knees off the deck, this ain’t the @#$%^& Air Force!”

“This place is one giant OCD prison.”

“The days feel extremely long because they are.”

My boyfriend wrote…”I got to call cadence today in formation, it was AWESOME!!” Then in his next letter he wrote, “I’ve been made Master At Arms. I guess the chief didn’t like my singing cadences.”

“No more hour long poops. They call it Pump and Dump!”

“I’ve decided that the RDCs are trying to impose Stockholm Syndrome…….and it’s working!”

“I’m on Color Guard and it’s very important to NOT drop the flag. That ranks right up there with do NOT drop the soap!”

“I’ve learned that the recruiters are the salesmen and lawyers of the Navy.”

“Whenever an inspection takes place, not doing something is called an FFI. We hear it a lot. Well, while cleaning the head in the chapel, I overheard someone talking about when God told Abraham to kill his son, Isaac, and he didn’t do it. All I could think of was, “That’s an FFI!” It stands for Failure to Follow Instruction.”

“Mom, these people here have no souls.”

“And there is a guy who catches all the heat I should. He is my size and when we are both bald and wearing BC’s we look -IDENTICAL!! He is ugly as sin so that kinda bums me out!”
“My bunkmate is 30 , 6’5″ with banana fingers, from West Africa, and me a 5’8″ kid from a cornfield. Two days ago during an inspection I had a string on my collar and he kept pulling it because he knew I’d get yelled at. But his f…ing banana fingers were too big so he bit it off real quick. As you can imagine, I nearly pissed myself.”

“Hey mom, this is your new son…. but don’t worry, I don’t love you any different.”

“Chief is f$#*&$# hardcore and very fluent in profanity.”

“I love you more than I love shining my f*ing boots 🙂 ”

“Oh, funny. A bunch of guys just started singing I’m a Little Teapot.”

“As I write this, I’m wearing a work shirt nearly identical to my Office Depot shirt, sitting on ugly linoleum under harsh fluorescent lights feeling resentful toward my bosses. It’s like I never left home. Except at night I go home to 83 smelly guys and none of you.”

“I am making some friends, but they kind of decide who your friends are for you. I’m mainly friends with my bunkmates and the people I stand next to in our height line.”

“And then there’s [name deleted]. He was dumb as a brick. He says his recruiter told him that after boot camp he’d be permanently stationed in his hometown and as soon as he got here and discovered that wasn’t the case, he wanted out. He faked having asthma, tried to buy pot off of Chief, swore at the Petty Officers, and so on. But I actually miss him. It was like having a soap opera, always something new and interesting.”

“By the way, they are allowed to swear at individual people. I’ve been called f***face, a f-ing rock, and a f-ing dodohead. As I write, they’re drawing our division flag ”” an anchor with an eagle carrying a dodo skull, symbolizing our shedding of being dodohead recruits. It’s totally boss.”

“YAY! Mail call, then bed! Two of my three favorite things!”

“PS – why do they stuff the pepper if they know they’re going to make it soup? Wouldn’t it be easier to put the stuffing straight in the soup?”

Which was your favorite?

Even MORE Boot Camp Funnies

Because I know how much you loved them yesterday AND the day before ….

“Mom, I can sh–, shower & shave in 2 minutes or less!”

“They say it gets easier after week 3. It don’t.”

“Mom, sorry I forgot our address when we were sending our clothes back. I could only remember grandpas.” [ok… You’ve lived with your parents for how many years? Hellooo!]

“By the time this letter arrives you will already know what I wrote.”

“My birthday went alright. My RDCs didn’t find out.”

“P.S. You might get sick from reading this letter… I coughed on it.”

“The RDCs already know my name. I don’t think that’s good.”

“I’m head of the bathroom crew, so I clean up after 83 guys with the help of 8 others, so I kinda get it now.” [This after how many years of asking him to aim straight.]

“So the other day there was a group of us in the Head all squatting. We started singing ‘Bye, Bye Miss American Pie.’ When one of the RDCs showed up and told us to shut up. I bet he left laughing his a– off. Imagine walking into a bathroom full of grown men singing as they s—. Funny.”

My daughter sent us her top ten list (more like 50) of what she’d never forget was said at boot camp. Here are a few that can be repeated:
“You will stand at attention, and you will like it.”
“Good morning/afternoon/evening Chief/Petty Officer/Sir.” x 80
“Arm circles. Begin.”
“It’s not supposed to feel good.”
Petty Officers arguing about which way was faster to march around a perfect square from one corner to the opposite.
“Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?” (interchange stupid with dumb, idiot, moron, and of course breakfast with whatever meal had most recently passed)

“I think this place is basically Fat Camp, with a lot of swearing.”

I was always dragging my son back into a room he had supposedly already “cleaned” and telling him, “Look at this dirt! Can’t you SEE this?” My favorite line from his bootcamp letters was, “Everything here has to be perfectly clean. Mom, I finally got dirt vision.”

“I’m not even sure I know what MY first name is anymore!”

“I hope you got my first letter, I can’t remember when I sent it or what it said.”

“I have picked up dustbunnies, ironed underwear and spit on boots for hours.”

“Boot camp is a lot like jail. But in jail they let you have TV.”

“I’ve been stripped of my gender.”

“Seriously, the smell that comes from each of us is more foul than any man I’ve ever smelled, since we sweat a lot and we can’t wash our sweats yet.”

“The food is pretty good here and the staff in the chow hall is very friendly, although I have to admit there were a couple of times I had to pretend I was on Fear Factor and wolf something disgusting down as quickly as possible, because food is food now. Taste is often a bonus.”

“Mom, Please ask everyone to send me some mail. There are some guys here who get up to 5 and 6 things a day. Now, I know you can do better than that.”

After asking my son just what his job as port watch entailed, he gave a short description and added, …”and it’s stupid and boring, and it’s my job to make sure 44 people do it right.”

“I’ve decided it would take too much paper work and cost too much money to kill us, so we will survive.”

Which was your favorite?

More Funny Boot Camp Lines

Hmm … they’re not “more funny” than the ones I posted yesterday ”” they’re equally funny ”” but there are additional … oh, never mind. They might actually be more funny than previous ones, but we’ll never know until you read them, eh?

Enjoy!

My boyfriend wrote me about a division chaplain position he was hoping to get. These were his words: “I might get the chaplain job, we’re having a push-up contest.” Is that how they pick the division chaplain???

“Say hi to the dogs. I haven’t gotten a letter from them yet.”

“I got to have garbage duty. It was great because I got to go outside for 5 minutes all by myself. Good thing you guys trained me for this growing up.” I love how he said “got” not “had to”. I knew right then that my teenage son was now a man!

“Most the guys are sick. Their eyes are red and they are moving really slow. I feel like I’m in a bad zombie movie.”

“We had to put on all of our uniforms and get inspected after each one. It’s like a horrifying fashion show.”

“With all these buttons, you don’t want to wait until you gotta pee really bad.”

Keep the letters coming, I like to read them when I am pooping in the middle of the night while everyone else is sleeping.

After PIR [graduation], when we saw his RDC, not a large man, and quite a bit smaller than most of his recruits, and we asked how intimidating he was, our sailor replied, “Mom, when his nose is touching your nose, and he is screaming at you, and you can feel his spit on your face, he IS intimidating!”

“86 men, 30 minutes to shower in a room approximately 15 x 45 with 12 shower heads. You do the math.”

“I’m a great ironer, I get compliments on my creases.”

“We only know each other’s last names, no first names.” (This cracked me up, because growing up, he never knew anyone’s last name – talk about coming full circle!)

“FYI cursing is good because it gets our point across really fast, and speed is very important.”

“Oh, we got 3 more shots again yesterday and since I passed out the first time, I had to wear this big red sign around my neck that said “Fall Risk”!! I felt like such a dork!”

When my son was stuck on ship during Christmas, we were talking on the phone. All of a sudden he says, “Oh cool, my present is here. Merry Christmas to me!” When I asked him what he was talking about he said, “A whole busload of new recruits just pulled up, this is gonna be so much fun!”

“So tonight, my shipmates all passed around pictures of ”˜when we were pretty!’ No one could recognize me!”

“I’m already on their radar (and that’s not a good thing) because I’m the short one.”

“Guess what, Mom, it seems that I don’t have a bumpy head now that I’m bald.”

“Oh yeah, and we have to wear “tighty whities.” And they suck!”

“I could get some sleep if all the married men would quit crying.”

“Don’t ever let any of your children join the military ever again.”

“I’m having fun, I guess.”

“I go to chapel every Sunday. It’s like heaven in there. It’s the only place the RDC’s aren’t allowed to go!”

My son wrote his sister that “it’s like a home ec class from hell.”

When questioned about activities during bootcamp the correct response is always, “I have no excuse, Petty Officer.”

“This had better get better soon!”

“I look ridiculous bald, so I try not to look in the mirror.”

“There is a zero fun policy or something.”

“I’ve met a lot of interesting people here. That’s all I’m going to say about that.”

“WOW! Excitement just ensued! We had a fire drill just now, only I don’t know if it was a drill because there were no RDCs and fire trucks came and I think it’s kind of smoky, but I can’t really see.” Then he goes on about his letter, and then, “UPDATE: the fire alarm was set off in our compartment and I think I set it off. My bunkmate kept harassing me, saying my feet smelled so I sprayed foot spray and I guess the powder set it off.”

Which was your favorite?

Funny Lines From Boot Camp

I found a bunch of funny lines in letters recruits sent home from boot camp. Some are from my son, but I won’t tell you which ones. Don’t want anyone getting in trouble!

Enjoy!

“I guess not everybody appreciates ninjas.”

“If this is normal, I’m starting to think I made a big mistake.”

“The food is surprisingly good, but we don’t have time to eat it.”

“If you pee in the pool you have to do PT.” [physical training, ie, a gazillion push-ups]

“Mail call is like the ice-cream truck just arrived at the park on a very hot day.”

“I kinda wish I’d stayed at home.”

“I am trying to be a good little recruit but I still screw up.”

“Who loves me more…RDC or Mom?????” [Recruit Division Commanders, like drill sergeants]

My son had a friend from high school that got to Boot Camp a week before him and he had been looking for him. He wrote, “I’ll never find Travis ”” we all look alike!”

“Mom, I’m pretty sure the way the RDCs talk to us is illegal.”

” I’m gonna kick my recruiters @$$!! ”

My daughter wrote – “I need to break up with my boyfriend (back home). I have grown so much here. I am not the same as I was 8 weeks ago. Oh, and Navy guys are frickin HOT!”

Our son wrote to his sister that he and some of the guys made a top 10 list of why jail would be better than boot camp.

“I got issued BCG ”” birth control glasses. They’re so ugly no girl would look at you with them on.”

My son was telling me he was getting ready to go to church and I asked which one he went to. He replied, “the one with the free donuts.”

“So yeah, on Monday I got eight letters from you, a little ridiculous ”” half the mail was for me.”

“One good thing Mom, I’m not crying as much at night.”

“Some of the stuff is really boring. I screw up on purpose just so I get to do pushups.”

My son is going to kill me if he reads this… but in his first letter he wrote this :
1. Mom I’m constipated. I can’t go to the bathroom in front of 80 other guys!
2. My farts are so bad I’m preparing the compartment for the gas chamber exercise
3. Mom, I woke up with a Scooby Doo sticker stuck to my forehead
4. Please quit sending the Scooby Doo stickers.
5. Mom they lost my laundry! I have no tshirts and no underwear!
6. Mom, I’m trying to fly under the radar, are the Sponge Bob stickers necessary?
7. Mom, Knock off the stickers
8. Ok Mom who’s idea was it anyway to send me a card 3 feet long?
9. Mom you won’t believe where I found a sticker today. Yes, ladies… you guessed it … skivvies.
10. Mom these are the people you warned me about! [RDC’s]

“Week one in the showers everybody is so shy, but by the end, everyone is dancing around singing. I can’t wait to take a bath BY MYSELF.”

“All the guys look up or straight ahead. When someone says, ‘I’ve dropped my soap’-that’s your cue to NOT LOOK DOWN!!”

“This is nothing! Band camp was harder then boot camp!”

When my son came home after boot camp we were getting ready to go surprise his grandparents at church and I made the mistake of trying to iron his uniform. He said, “Mom, didn’t anyone ever teach you how to iron properly?”

He also asked if our hotel room had an iron so he could iron is white undershirt. When I told him we didn’t have one, you should have seen the look of concern on his face. I RAN to the hotel front desk to get the iron for him.

“Please don’t send musical cards. We have to do push ups to the song.”

“I wish I could hold you in my arms right now. Well actually not RIGHT now cause there are like 80 other guys sharing the same room with me but you know what I mean.”

“Mom I miss you so much can you send me a picture of my dog??”

“Today we got to have a pizza party! The RDC ate pizza and we did pushups until he was done eating.”

“Mom, you wouldn’t believe this but I volunteer to take out the trash just so I can go outside!!”

“Getting gassed is not as much fun as you’d think.”

Which was your favorite? Here are some more ….

The Navy Owns My Son Now

The phone rang at 11:18 last night. I told the operator I’d accept the charges then heard the quiet, composed voice of my nineteen-year-old son. He said, reading from a script, “I have to tell you three things. I arrived safely at Great Lakes. You’ll be getting a package from me in a few days. You’ll hear from me again in about a month. Now I’m supposed to say my goodbyes and I-love-yous. So goodbye and I love you.”

It’s official. He’s begun Navy boot camp.

It feels very indulgent to worry about him when other mothers are sending their kids off to Iraq, Afghanistan, and other hotspots around the globe. I’m only sending mine to Illinois ”” for now ”” but I’ve heard it’s a strange and often inhospitable place. Could be they’re only talking about the weather or the Statehouse (it is where Rod Blagojevich hails from, after all), but still.

It’s a bit surreal that my son is actually leaving. He’s been on the Delayed Entry Program since August so he’s been counting down the days. I’ve been counting the days, too, but probably for different reasons.

I don’t come from a military family so this is all very unfamiliar turf for me. New lingo, new protocol, new clothes. The lingo and the protocol I’ll leave to him, but I am looking forward to seeing him in clothes that fit. I’m expecting the Navy to finally get his pants to stay up over his skinny butt. Levi’s and Dockers haven’t been able to lo, these many years, so it’s obviously time for the government to step in.

People have been giving me well-meaning advice about his upcoming departure. One soul, bless her heart, tried to tell me it was no different than when I sent my older daughter off to college clear across the country. I smiled, nodded, accepted her advice in the spirit it was intended. But inside? Disputing her logic with every synapse firing in my brain.

First, I drove my daughter to college and we had a sparkly good road trip. I didn’t offer her up to strangers in front of a hotel at 4:30 am.

Second, I could call her whenever I wanted to hear her voice or give her some last minute advice or ask if she stole my favorite sweater. My son, on the other hand, won’t have regular access to a phone for ten weeks or so. The ten weeks, coincidentally, that he might need to hear friendly voices the most. But I’m fairly certain he didn’t take any of my clothes with him. In fact, he barely took any of his own clothes, and those he’ll ship back home in a few days.

Third, she had 24-hour access to the computer lab ”” even when she studied in London. We were only a couple clicks away from each other. Son? No internet, no computers, no mouse clicks.

Fourth, after she graduates she probably won’t be shot at by snipers or have to dodge laser-guided missiles. And the only pirate she’s likely to see is Johnny Depp as Cap’n Jack Sparrow.

After boot camp he’ll go to school to train as a corpsman, the Navy’s medics. I thought that sounded pretty safe … until I learned that Navy corpsmen follow the Marines. Wherever Marines are deployed, so are corpsmen.

I’m not complaining, though, really I’m not. I’m just pointing out that sending a loved one off to defend our country isn’t the easiest thing to do. In fact, it might be the hardest. So far. For me.

For his part, he’s excited and thrilled by his decision. He’ll get to see the world, he’ll learn real-life skillz, he’ll meet fascinating people, he’ll do honorable work, he’ll become a man.

I know he’s enlisting with mindfulness. He’s hip to what he’s agreed to. I just hope the government keeps their end of the bargain.

For every situation, and because this is BeckyLand, there are appropriate song lyrics, probably many, but these words from ABBA have been twirling around my brain lately. I’ve also posted the video of the song.

Schoolbag in hand
He leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye
With an absent-minded smile
I watch him go
With a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I’m losing him forever
And without really entering his world
I’m glad whenever I can share his laughter
That funny little boy

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see what’s in his mind
Each time I think I’m close to knowing
He keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes
Him and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake
I let precious time go by
Then when he’s gone
There’s that old melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt
I can’t deny
What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
Well some of that we did
But most we didn’t
And why I just don’t know

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers

Godspeed, my love.