Tag Archives: New Years Resolutions

Warning Signs Your Resolutions Will Fail, In The Unlikely Event They Haven’t Already

  1. You didn’t make any
  2. You made more than one
  3. You only made one but it involved dieting or exercise
  4. You broke your own foot to avoid going to the gym
  5. You made the mistake of looking on Pinterest for inspiration and found everyone else had handmade, artisanal resolutions, rendering yours like lopsided cupcakes without a theme
  6. They all included the phrase “winning the lottery”
  7. You posted them on social media and nobody liked, shared, or retweeted them
  8. You made them with a friend
  9. You didn’t make them with a friend
  10. You really, really hate kale, jogging, and/or investing one-third of your paycheck in any scheme that doesn’t involve alcohol and/or dessert
  11. You really, really like alcohol and/or dessert

New Years Nala

But that’s no reason to give up.

New Year Blahs or Rahs?

Many of my friends have been admitting to some end-of-the-year blues which is something I don’t really understand. I happen to adore this week between Christmas and New Years, but I am an admitted — and unrepentent — Pollyanna.

Pol·ly·an·na (pä-lē-ˈa-nə) noun a person characterized by irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything

What can I say? I’m perky!

I love that blank calendar, so hopeful and filled with sparkling possibility. I sit down when it’s quiet and glance back through the year, remembering good times and perhaps bad ones, now with the mottled patina that only comes with time and distance.

Then I take a blank piece of paper and start writing down the things I’d like to see on next year’s calendar. Most of them relate in some way to my writing and publishing work, but there are also trips to plan, people to see, parties to host.

I humbly suggest that if you find yourself singing the blues this week instead of a joyful noise, try this little exercise.

Take a peek at your calendar. Where’d you go this year? Who’d you see? Meet anyone new and fascinating? What inspired you? What did you learn? What did you write? What did you sell? What did you promote? What were your challenges? What were your successes?

Now, grab a blank piece of paper and look forward to the coming year. Where do you want to go? Who do you want to see? What opportunities do you want to pounce on? What will you learn? What will you write? What will you sell? What will you promote? How will you grow?

Now make a plan. Take your pristine calendar and add the things you know you want to do. Use a pencil because this is a working document. Do you want to go to the Pikes Peak Writers Conference in April? Then block out that time. If you have to save up your pennies then make a plan for that, too.

How many words will you write? How many books will you read? How often will you get together with your friends? How many times will you go skiing/dancing/to the theatre/out to eat/ice skating/to the beach? What will you learn next year? What will you teach? Who will inspire you? Who will you inspire?

Make a plan. Write it on your calendar.

A plan without action is simply wishful thinking. Make a plan.

If a year is too overwhelming, focus on the first quarter of the year. Or a month. But focus. And plan to revisit your calendar before the second quarter or the next month. Dream big. Wish. Plan. Revise as necessary. Add your Big Plan to your weekly to-do list.

Revel in your successes and learn from your mistakes.

Here’s hoping your successes are infinite and your challenges surmountable. I won’t wish you smooth sailing with no challenges because mistakes and challenges help you grow into the person you’re destined to become. Besides, no problems would be boring!

Okay, if that’s too perky and irrepressibly optimistic for you, then I will allow some staring into the abyss. But only for a minute.

Hey … I think I see cookies down there!

Things I’ve Never Done

I’ve been hearing a lot about New Year’s Resolutions lately. In fact, I even wrote some of my own.

But recently I was reading the little note from the editor at the beginning of a magazine, and she wrote that she makes a list every January of “Things I’ve Never Done.”

So guess what I did?

Here’s my list of Things I’ve Never Done:

• Poked my eye out with a hanger
• Cleared a HazMat site
• Wore a mink bikini
• Lifted a Volkswagen over my head
• Held my breath till my lungs exploded

But as I re-read my list, it occurred to me that the editor I stole this idea from probably WANTS to do the stuff on her list.

So here’s my revised list of Things I’ve Never Done That I’d LIKE To Do:

• Go an entire day without saying, “Just DO it, okay?? Geez!”
• Eat a block of cheese without one pang of guilt
• Cheerfully clean my house
• Get my house cleaned by cheerful people
• Write a manuscript that doesn’t need revising
• Be a synesthetic tuba player

What’s on your list?

2009, um, Resolutions

I’m not really one for New Years Resolutions, but I think I’ve come up with some I can live with for 2009 that won’t cause a global yawn.

• I’ll remove Decembruary 33 – 36 from my calendar. But I’ll keep the 32nd. I need that day to write my resolutions and finish eating the fudge.

• I’ll try at least 85% of the time (because goals need to be quantified) to put the frizz control on my hair and the moisturizer on my face instead to the other way around this year.

• I’ll refrain from yelling, “Where the bejeebers is my newspaper!!” until AFTER I put on my glasses. I’ve been told it scares the neighbors. Or maybe I’ll just put on a robe.

• I will only wear free-flowing garments so as not to ruin my self-esteem.

• I promise to stimulate the economy each day by unbridled avarice, possibly cultivating a heretofore unknown devotion to banjos and banjo accessories.

• I will indulge my creepy — potentially unhealthy — obsession with Billie Joe Armstrong and Green Day by tattooing their playlist on the entire length of my left leg. Then, whenever I play one of their songs, I’ll email a close-up photo of it to the fan club.

• I promise to weep tears of joy for my fellow writers who get called up to The Game rather than secretly hoping they forget how to sign their names at booksignings. But as I write that, it seems not-quite-doable, so maybe I’ll amend this one to promising to attend every booksigning by my fellow writers but I’ll jump up and yell random names as they’re trying to sign. Yeah. That I can do. As a bonus, it will double as my aerobic workout.

• And, finally, I will take charge of my health. I’ll ask my doctor if Levitra is right for me.

What are your resolutions?