Tag Archives: No Soliciting

No Soliciting

My doorbell rang 837 times yesterday ”” yes, 837 ”” so I’m going to put out a “No Soliciting” sign. I had one several years ago, but I should have put out a dictionary to go along with it. When I’d answer the door to a … what? Yes, a solicitor … and point to my simple two-word sign, making that face I reserve for stupid people and dogs peeing in my yard, they’d inevitably say, “I’m not soliciting. I’m …” and then they’d insert a word from the list below.

So, this is what I’m going to post near my doorbell.

Do NOT ring this doorbell if you are:

Selling

Explaining

Preaching

Teaching

Showing

Asking

Giving

Begging

Offering

Marketing

Peddling

Trading

Dealing

Wholesaling

Sermonizing

Indoctrinating

Educating

Instructing

Demonstrating

Lecturing

Pontificating

Evangelizing

Ministering

Soapboxing

or Bleeding. I just got new carpet.

If, however, I already know your name and you’re delivering a surprise culinary treat or mis-delivered mail or want to otherwise brighten my day, then by all means …lean on that doorbell!

Of course, if they’re really stupid, they won’t know most of those words. The downside is that someday I just may want Girl Scout cookies or my house number painted on the curb or to send an inner-city youth to Disneyland. It’s a cunundrum.

But one I’m willing to figure out without their help.

Do you get people ringing your doorbell when you don’t want them to? Are you nicer about it than I am? Or do you hate them with the white-hot intensity of ten thousand suns?