Tag Archives: similes

How People Stumble into BeckyLand

I’ve become fascinated ”” some say obsessed ”” by the machinations of the blogosphere. My blogosphere, in particular.

My blog statistics and my StatCounter tell me many fascinating things, like which of my blogs are the most popular … how long people stay in BeckyLand … what pages they read during a visit … a running tally of my posts, comments and pings … and the countries my readers hail from.

People trek into BeckyLand from all the cool states and every corner of the world. Israel, Indonesia, Switzerland, Germany, Portugal, Canada, Australia. Some make sense, like Venice after I interviewed Cat Bauer who lives there. Or Sweden after I mentioned ABBA. Or Malaysia after I posted about a high school band there. Or England, since the Queen is a huge fan.

But when I saw I had visitors (plural!) from Kazakhstan, I had to do a bit of research before it made sense. An exhaustive search of Wikipedia reveals that livestock is one of Kazakhstan’s most important agricultural commodities. I recently waxed poetic about cows. Mystery solved.

My favorite blog stat, however, is the section that tells me the search terms people use to stumble into BeckyLand.

Oddly enough, every single day people, possibly muppets, search “Cookie Monster” and end up in BeckyLand. I tracked it for five days and discovered 36 of them looked for Cookie Monster and found me. But that’s not all. In one day folks searched from the general “Cookie Monster pics” (2), to the very specific “Cookie Monster eats a donut” (2), “C is for cookie” (1), and “Cookie Monster #” (3), which seems like some kind of code. Unless it’s Elmo trying to program his cell phone.

Weirdly, when I googled these phrases, I never found my blog. Lesson learned? Cookie Monster fans are persistent.

These are some of my favorite search terms people used recently to gain entry into BeckyLand. Some make perfect sense as they directly relate to topics I’ve written about like “most beautiful numbers synesthesia” … “I love a tuba player” … “synesthesia in taste” … “looks like Letterman.”

But these? “Jacuzzi” … “twas” … “what makes a person prissy”?! I twasn’t in a Jacuzzi, nor am I very prissy.

I’m equally baffled by this one ”” “like fathers chasing kids around with po.”  Pork? Poles? Polyester? Pogo sticks? Porcupines? Pollen? Podiums? Potatoes? Poinsettias? Potable water? Politicians? Popcorn? Polar bears? Poetry? Postage stamps? Pocahontas? Poison? Polliwogs? Pocketknives? Pomeranians? Polaroids? Potassium nitrate? It boggles the mind.

Disturbingly, a lot of people find me using phrases involving “tapeworm.” At least once a week, sometimes more. Five times just this week. “Human tapeworm” (2) … “tapeworm segments in human” (2) … and “tapeworm segments in stool” (1).  I don’t take it personally, but I’m becoming a bit concerned about the health care in this country.

But I’m clearly the go-to blog for writers struggling for just the right turn of phrase, which more than makes up for it. In the past week I got these ”” “metaphors for being in the marching band” … “funny similes about love” … “urban similes” … “similes someone’s first day of high school” … “bad similes by teens and gross” … “e coli Canadian similes” … “a simile sentence for someone showing hat.”

Hmm. Hope I was helpful.

Got a simile sentence for someone showing hat? How bout a bad simile by teens and gross? Or any e coli Canadian similes?

Amusing Similes and Metaphors

Every year, English teachers from across the country submit their most amusing similes and metaphors gleaned from high school essays. I’m not sure if this is really true or simply an urban myth, but here are some of the “winners” from 2007. But even if some under-employed writer wearing only a tattered robe wrote them in an unheated basement, they’re still funny.

• He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

• She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

• She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

• Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

• John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

• Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

• The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

• It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

• He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

What’s your most amusing simile or metaphor? Or the one you’re desperate to find a place for in your writing? Or finish this sentence … “BeckyLand is like …”