Tag Archives: blogging

This Old Dog

This old dog needs to learn a new trick.

Maybe you’ve noticed you haven’t heard from me in awhile. If you haven’t missed me, pfftt and congratulations on having a real life. If you have missed me, know that I’ve missed you too.

I’ve had a crazy busy life the last couple of months. In addition to the normal craziness of trying to herd my everyday cats, I’m trying to launch a new business. (It’s slowly dawning on me I’m not quite as smart as I thought I was.) In my spare time, I planned a family vacation involving one son traveling from Japan, a high school graduation followed immediately by a college graduation in a different state. (I know. We had no foresight.)

I tell you this not to brag, because unlike most other activities in my life, I don’t feel it’s bragworthy.

See, when I get busy, I can’t multi-task. And by ”˜multi-task’ I mean ”˜function like a normal person.’

I’ve been doing this for years, so it’s pretty ingrained. I remember when my first child was born. Hubby would skip off merrily to work in the morning while I stayed home and nurtured our little elf. More often than not, hubby would skip back home eight hours later to find me still in my robe, obviously not showered, surrounded by the detritus of my day. Don’t get me wrong … I was having a hoot but I just couldn’t quite get it together because the kid slept 23 out of every 24 hours. I know. More bragging. But that’s not how it seemed then.

I simply couldn’t bring myself to hop in the shower when my precious widdle narcoleptic might wake up … any minute now … waking up …did I just hear her? … surely by now …

Stupid. I know. I’ve been told. And in my heart I knew that newborn wasn’t going anywhere in the five minutes it would take to rub the mommy stank off myself. But still.

I’ve carried this stupidness all these years and it manifests itself like a brick repeatedly striking my temple. For instance, when I try to launch a new biz, plan a family vacation, and try not to brag.

Because I’ve been busy, I haven’t blogged, I haven’t kept up with my friends, I haven’t exercised, I haven’t done a lot of things. Except gain back the five pounds I struggled to lose the last couple of months.

So I’m done being stoopid. From now on, I will no longer focus on only one project to the exclusion of everything else. I will find time every day to do at least a little bit of all my somethings.

Including bragging. (Aren’t I marvelously awesome for being so self-aware??)

How ”˜bout you? Do you glue your nose to the grindstone for the duration or can you compartmentalize? What are your tricks to keeping your life well-rounded?

Why I Haven’t Blogged Recently

I fear I’ve been remiss lately in posting to my blog. But I have good reasons. Ten of ”˜em …

1. Drunken lords-a-leaping tried to vault over my chestnuts roasting on an open fire resulting in a holiday mishap of epic proportions.

2. Lazy. So very lazy.

3. Despite what you might think, that fudge does NOT eat itself.

4. Elves kidnapped me and forced me to make toys while they chanted, “Arbeit Macht Frei” in their creepy wee voices.

5. Mall traffic is really hideous this year. Still circling from Black Friday.

6. Trying to catch up on Time Magazines before the new year arrives. Did you know that men landed on the MOON?! Apparently it was on TV. Speaking of which, I’m not holding out much hope for that new educational show called Sesame Road. I mean, really. Puppets? C’mon.

7. Way too noggy to type.

8. Took “Elfing Myself” to new heights.

9. Facebook friends demanding actual face time.

10. Tying down the Slip-and-Slide to the roof then perfecting my recipe for Reindeer Stew. You know. Just in case.

What have you been remiss in doing? But more importantly, why?

Fourteen Reasons Why Being a Blogger is Better Than Being a Logger

• Fewer blisters.

• No slogging through mud to get to work. All I have to do is kick piles of dirty socks, pizza crusts and newspaper clippings away from my desk chair. I don’t even need boots for that, most of the time.

• I’m only responsible for my own limbs.

• I don’t have to live up to Paul Bunyan’s standards. I only have to keep up with Xi Xue or Dawn Yang. Who? Exactly.

• We both use bull lines, but mine don’t hurt my shoulders.

• The only rivers involved in my work are Riverdance, River Phoenix, and YouTube videos of funny ways people fall out of boats.

• Bears don’t try to eat me””or my lunch””for lunch.

• I’m not required to wear plaid shirts, which is good as they make my neck look fat.

• No guilty loss of sleep due to clear-cutting virgin old-growth forests.

• I’m not called wood hick, river pig/hog/rat, or catty-man””at least to my face.

• I can work year round rather than seasonally. And if I don’t feel like working, I can cruise over to YouTube and find videos of extreme shepherding; I can close my eyes and memorize a page in my Urban Dictionary; or I can vote on entries from My Life Is Average.

• I only have one job title and it’s not whistle punk, chaser, high climber, choker-setter or tie hack.

• Blogging isn’t voted one of the worst, most dangerous jobs. Although time will tell.

• No scooping up after Babe, the Blue Ox.

On the other hand, there are no chainsaws, log rolling, or flumes for bloggers. And no BloggerJack Picnics where we compete in various bloggy events. There’s no jaunty Monty Python song about me, and I’ve never seen a school Blogger mascot.

Hmm. Maybe I should look into being a logger instead. After all, they’re practically required to eat loads of flapjacks and wear those cool suspenders. Besides, I’d probably look awesome in a beard. As long as it’s not plaid.

Do you think being a blogger is better than being a logger?

Blog Spam … It’s Not Just For Sandwiches

I’ve written before about the funny ways people stumble into BeckyLand. Most of them seem to want to be here. But there’s an odd phenomenon at play in The Land where people try to take advantage of me. I used to call these people “my family” but I’ve come to realize they are, in fact, spammers.

I know they’re not my family because they speak softly and flatter me, trying to get me to buy their porn or Canadian pharmaceuticals via my ego. It’s normally a good strategy, but they, unlike my family, don’t know how very lazy I am. It’s like a religion with me. “Click there? I don’t think so. I am fatigued from typing winking emoticons on facebook status updates.”

Here are some examples of the spam I get in BeckyLand. Not all of it employs the let’s-dazzle-her-with-flattery scheme. But it’s all worthy of attention. At least momentarily.

• “I found lots of interesting information on beckyland.wordpress.com. The post was professionally written and I feel like the author has extensive knowledge in the subject. beckyland.wordpress.com keep it that way.” Oh, wait. How’d this get in here? This can’t be spam. It’s perfectly reasoned and articulate. Clearly from a highly intelligent being.

• “Hi, interesting post. I have been thinking about this issue, so thanks for writing. I will certainly be subscribing to your posts.” Really? They’ve been thinking about awesome places to piddle around the world? Really? In their defense, it was an extremely entertaining blog and of course they’ll be thinking about it forever, but really … before I posted it?

• “eh… luv it ))” I’m sorry, but this seems kinda lukewarm to me.

• “[…] Read the original: How People Stumble into BeckyLand […]” Let’s see… how do I explain this? Oh, yeah. This WAS posted on the original, ya freak! Trying to trick me into reading my own blog?? I won’t fall for that again.

• “Hi everybody. I’ve been lurking around the forum for a while but I have a question to ask. I’m trying to find a legit seller for r4 cards for my nintendo. I’m in Germany and I found one site that looks promising.” Nice try, Hans, but you can’t fool me. How can you be in Germany but writing in English? Everyone knows that’s not possible. Plus, I never mailed my blog to Germany.

• “1mDeK3 trowreddizfq, [url=https://gqsulqsinvxk.com/]gqsulqsinvxk[/url], [link=https://doxafvttoxae.com/]doxafvttoxae[/link], https://jircjscttyxv.com/” Sorry. This one is from my family. Dad, how many times do I have to tell you? Left pinky goes on the “A.”

• “seattle festival scared ipl semi garden parkway night the 2 their identity…people who blithely trusted those who traded in human beings. battle against the machines. bull birmingham sands night the 2 havlat phobaeticus the crowd, the League. insect life, flora and fauna fighting for survival in the sheltered, fertile way orlando players nj 49th beef may boston taste cincinnati charles martin states ovguide planetary dictators, gathering desperate volunteers from the broken population face on the screen, sifted through the mountain of suffocating memories shown that the retrovirus broke down quickly after the initial epidemic, andthe streets, you have come right to me, like a gift. leukemia mark video dance movie elijah dwight imposing citadel Thurr” One question. What are you selling? Because I’m pretty sure I want to buy it.

Do you get funny spam?