My Dad’s Christmas List

My Dad only wants one thing for Christmas … to become your benevolent dictator with wicked awesome powers. Here’s his platform, even though dictators don’t really need one. I guess that’s why he’s benevolent.

• Mistreatment of women, children, or pets will result in a painful, itchy rash that will last for two years at which time your skin will turn green.

• Term limits for every political office. Eight years, then OUT. Out of Washington, out of politics, back home where you will live like the rest of us with the laws you wrote.

• If you don’t use your turn indicators, your engine will die in the middle of the turn and won’t restart for forty-five minutes.

• Tobacco, marijuana, and Brussels sprouts plants will get blight and become extinct.

• No more political campaigns. Elections will be by lottery. Every citizen’s name is in the hat. Draw your name and you are the President, congressmen, city council, or whatever. Except for lawyers. They are ineligible. You will serve for eight years, then OUT. If you haven’t stolen enough by then, you just weren’t trying.

• Chocolate will taste as sweet but will have no calories.

• Salt, sugar and trans fats will be discovered to cure cancer if taken in sufficient amounts.

• Anyone can serve in the military but only men over fifty can go into harms way. Walkers, wheelchairs, oxygen tanks and no exemptions.

So, would you vote him in as Benevolent Dictator? Got any Dictatoristic advice for him?

6 thoughts on “My Dad’s Christmas List”

  1. I LOVE point 3–especially as someone who had a car whose left turn signal did not work for a year and who used hand signals, rockin’ it old skool.

    1. As the mother of a son soon to leave for the Navy, I’m partial to the last one. I’m pretty confident that if men and women couldn’t send boys and girls to fight their battles, there’d be a lot fewer battles that needed to be fought. Use your words, people. Or maybe we should all just throw shoes at each other. But only one per person, so make it count.

  2. But I love Brussels sprouts! No really, not that! Also, since we are talking about Chocolate being no calories, can you also ask him to make it non-allergic for folks like me!

    Happy Holidays!

  3. Joyce | Poppies and Popcorn

    Your Dad is a wise man. How does he feel about people who take up two parking spaces with their vehicle?

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