Hmm … they’re not “more funny” than the ones I posted yesterday — they’re equally funny — but there are additional … oh, never mind. They might actually be more funny than previous ones, but we’ll never know until you read them, eh?
My boyfriend wrote me about a division chaplain position he was hoping to get. These were his words: “I might get the chaplain job, we’re having a push-up contest.” Is that how they pick the division chaplain???
“Say hi to the dogs. I haven’t gotten a letter from them yet.”
“I got to have garbage duty. It was great because I got to go outside for 5 minutes all by myself. Good thing you guys trained me for this growing up.” I love how he said “got” not “had to”. I knew right then that my teenage son was now a man!
“Most the guys are sick. Their eyes are red and they are moving really slow. I feel like I’m in a bad zombie movie.”
“We had to put on all of our uniforms and get inspected after each one. It’s like a horrifying fashion show.”
“With all these buttons, you don’t want to wait until you gotta pee really bad.”
Keep the letters coming, I like to read them when I am pooping in the middle of the night while everyone else is sleeping.
After PIR [graduation], when we saw his RDC, not a large man, and quite a bit smaller than most of his recruits, and we asked how intimidating he was, our sailor replied, “Mom, when his nose is touching your nose, and he is screaming at you, and you can feel his spit on your face, he IS intimidating!”
“86 men, 30 minutes to shower in a room approximately 15 x 45 with 12 shower heads. You do the math.”
“I’m a great ironer, I get compliments on my creases.”
“We only know each other’s last names, no first names.” (This cracked me up, because growing up, he never knew anyone’s last name – talk about coming full circle!)
“FYI cursing is good because it gets our point across really fast, and speed is very important.”
“Oh, we got 3 more shots again yesterday and since I passed out the first time, I had to wear this big red sign around my neck that said “Fall Risk”!! I felt like such a dork!”
When my son was stuck on ship during Christmas, we were talking on the phone. All of a sudden he says, “Oh cool, my present is here. Merry Christmas to me!” When I asked him what he was talking about he said, “A whole busload of new recruits just pulled up, this is gonna be so much fun!”
“So tonight, my shipmates all passed around pictures of ‘when we were pretty!’ No one could recognize me!”
“I’m already on their radar (and that’s not a good thing) because I’m the short one.”
“Guess what, Mom, it seems that I don’t have a bumpy head now that I’m bald.”
“Oh yeah, and we have to wear “tighty whities.” And they suck!”
“I could get some sleep if all the married men would quit crying.”
“Don’t ever let any of your children join the military ever again.”
“I’m having fun, I guess.”
“I go to chapel every Sunday. It’s like heaven in there. It’s the only place the RDC’s aren’t allowed to go!”
My son wrote his sister that “it’s like a home ec class from hell.”
When questioned about activities during bootcamp the correct response is always, “I have no excuse, Petty Officer.”
“This had better get better soon!”
“I look ridiculous bald, so I try not to look in the mirror.”
“There is a zero fun policy or something.”
“I’ve met a lot of interesting people here. That’s all I’m going to say about that.”
“WOW! Excitement just ensued! We had a fire drill just now, only I don’t know if it was a drill because there were no RDCs and fire trucks came and I think it’s kind of smoky, but I can’t really see.” Then he goes on about his letter, and then, “UPDATE: the fire alarm was set off in our compartment and I think I set it off. My bunkmate kept harassing me, saying my feet smelled so I sprayed foot spray and I guess the powder set it off.”
Which was your favorite?