Even MORE Boot Camp Funnies

Because I know how much you loved them yesterday AND the day before ….

“Mom, I can sh–, shower & shave in 2 minutes or less!”

“They say it gets easier after week 3. It don’t.”

“Mom, sorry I forgot our address when we were sending our clothes back. I could only remember grandpas.” [ok… You’ve lived with your parents for how many years? Hellooo!]

“By the time this letter arrives you will already know what I wrote.”

“My birthday went alright. My RDCs didn’t find out.”

“P.S. You might get sick from reading this letter… I coughed on it.”

“The RDCs already know my name. I don’t think that’s good.”

“I’m head of the bathroom crew, so I clean up after 83 guys with the help of 8 others, so I kinda get it now.” [This after how many years of asking him to aim straight.]

“So the other day there was a group of us in the Head all squatting. We started singing ‘Bye, Bye Miss American Pie.’ When one of the RDCs showed up and told us to shut up. I bet he left laughing his a– off. Imagine walking into a bathroom full of grown men singing as they s—. Funny.”

My daughter sent us her top ten list (more like 50) of what she’d never forget was said at boot camp. Here are a few that can be repeated:
“You will stand at attention, and you will like it.”
“Good morning/afternoon/evening Chief/Petty Officer/Sir.” x 80
“Arm circles. Begin.”
“It’s not supposed to feel good.”
Petty Officers arguing about which way was faster to march around a perfect square from one corner to the opposite.
“Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?” (interchange stupid with dumb, idiot, moron, and of course breakfast with whatever meal had most recently passed)

“I think this place is basically Fat Camp, with a lot of swearing.”

I was always dragging my son back into a room he had supposedly already “cleaned” and telling him, “Look at this dirt! Can’t you SEE this?” My favorite line from his bootcamp letters was, “Everything here has to be perfectly clean. Mom, I finally got dirt vision.”

“I’m not even sure I know what MY first name is anymore!”

“I hope you got my first letter, I can’t remember when I sent it or what it said.”

“I have picked up dustbunnies, ironed underwear and spit on boots for hours.”

“Boot camp is a lot like jail. But in jail they let you have TV.”

“I’ve been stripped of my gender.”

“Seriously, the smell that comes from each of us is more foul than any man I’ve ever smelled, since we sweat a lot and we can’t wash our sweats yet.”

“The food is pretty good here and the staff in the chow hall is very friendly, although I have to admit there were a couple of times I had to pretend I was on Fear Factor and wolf something disgusting down as quickly as possible, because food is food now. Taste is often a bonus.”

“Mom, Please ask everyone to send me some mail. There are some guys here who get up to 5 and 6 things a day. Now, I know you can do better than that.”

After asking my son just what his job as port watch entailed, he gave a short description and added, …”and it’s stupid and boring, and it’s my job to make sure 44 people do it right.”

“I’ve decided it would take too much paper work and cost too much money to kill us, so we will survive.”

Which was your favorite?

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